Kids Suck the Life Out of You...If you Let Them. And Why That's a Good Thing.

A few months ago I read an article written about whether couples with kids are happier than couples who choose to be childfree. Since it was on CNN's website I should have known better than to be optimistic. But I took the bait, opened the article, and was really sad about what I read. But I can't really say it surprised me.

Our society typically regards children as burdens. It's everywhere. Children are to be dealt with as quickly as possible so parents can get back to the "important stuff". The more that children require, the more they are treated with disdain. Handicapped children usually aren't even wanted if the handicap is found before the child's birth. A mother with a "difficult" baby is pitied. An insecure toddler who refuses to part with mom is considered a real drag--a "momma's girl/boy". Normal childish behavior irritates the heck out of parents, family members, strangers, etc. When parents have to "give up" their time, money, energy, perfect home, perhaps a second income, social life, etc, many of them seem quite resentful of their children.

One of the most difficult lessons of parenting for me has been to change the way I see the daily (seemingly constant) interruptions that go hand in hand with having children. The selfish side of me wants to snap impatiently at the child who just dumped cottage cheese all over the floor. I don't particularly like having to get off the phone with Jason, who I haven't talked to all day, to deal with someone's lousy behavior. Not a huge fan of redressing the toddler because she drenched herself with the hose while "helping" me water the plants. Usually I am not opposed to being called outside to see crazy chicken behavior but with the unbelievable heat of this summer and my advancing pregnancy, truly I'd rather not move more than is absolutely necessary.

However...

Jesus said this to his disciples in Luke 9:23-25: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?"

I'm not sure about anyone else, but I don't see a whole lot of "denying of self" in our current culture, particularly when it comes to being parents (ok, in any area but I'm talking about parents). Parenthood has turned into this thing of convenience. Few people seem to see the value in spending the great majority of their time and energy training up their children. They'd rather delegate it to someone else and pursue what the world considers worthwhile (their dreams, unnecessary employment and/or preoccupation with their employment particularly with very little ones, education, fitness, friends, even ministry). And yep, I'm going to say it (who reads this blog anyway?? lol) but it's as rampant in the church as it is in the rest of the world. The same selfishness that is valued in our culture is frequently praised in the church.

Who realizes that Jesus was a huge disappointment to the Jews? They wanted a kick-butt-and-take-no-answers-king who would drive those Roman dogs to their knees. Instead they got this guy who let people slap him around, was flat broke, and encouraged people to do the exact opposite of their human nature. The mother of Jesus was a lowly unmarried teenager. Jesus was born in a dirty stable to poor parents.

However...

God's ways are not our ways. Matthew 23:12: "For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."

When we humble ourselves and take on the nitty gritty task of really parenting and discipling our children, we are going to lose our life for His sake. We'll be tired. We will have to deny ourselves. We might not get to follow our dreams. We might not have the things we want, look the way we wish we could, go the places we want to go. And we probably aren't going to get much accolades for all of our hard work. But He promises that our life will be saved! True life! Gaining all that this world has to offer will matter ZIP in eternity. It's quite plain in the Scriptures.

Closing thoughts: Children were made the way are (imperfect, LOUD, destructive, needy, etc) for a reason. I truly believe that God made them that way to challenge parents to drop their selfishness. As a parent, you have so many daily opportunities to grow as a person in the areas that really matter (patience, wisdom, discernment, love, selflessness, among other things). When your kid(s) is driving you crazy, there is your chance to rise to the occasion and work on your attitude and character(oh yeah, and don't miss the opportunity to disciple your little one(s). Romans 5:3-5 says "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." So, the next time your kid gets a hold of the permanent marker or throws an enormous tantrum, make sure you rejoice in your suffering. It's really a blessing ;)