I have an enormous problem with being assertive. Time and time again, I am caught off guard by the words of others and I immediately resort to being a people pleaser. Then later I hate myself for not saying what I really think.

I always feel a sick chill when confronting someone--whether it's who was first at the deli counter or something actually important like a person challenging me about a decision.

And the thing is, I am not a wimp. I have extremely strong opinons on many subjects and I have no problem relaying them in a written form or a small group of people (even if I already know they disagree with me) if it's a part of a conversation. And just ask my husband--he gets to hear all of my rants and ramblings.

Anyway, I feel especially lousy about my lack of assertivness today because it let down one of my kids. I was so taken aback about a situation that I couldn't even fight for my own precious kid. It wasn't a huge deal but the situation was rather ridiculous and if I had been prepared I would have dealt with things in an appropriately assertive way.

But no. I was left slack jawed and dumb and acquiesced to something I did not agree with because I did not want to cause a scene or be a jerk. That's always my deal: not wanting to make a fuss. And I don't want to come off as a jerk.

Where is the line between being assertive and being arrogant, selfish, and/or pushy?

Are you a pushy soccer mom if you tell your kid's coach that even though your kid isn't the star player they should be playing more than 7 minutes per game? Or should you just go with the flow and tell your kid "Hey, if you practice more then you'll get to play more."

If someone gets in front of you in line do you mention it or just let it go because it really doesn't matter? For the record, I wouldn't say anything because I'd rather wait the extra few minutes then risk being cussed out in front of my kids (and even though that person would be a jerk, I would feel awful for upsetting them).

Most importantly, what does God say about being assertive? Aren't we supposed to be meek? But does "meek" mean doormat (no, I don't think it does). Aren't we supposed to be peacemakers? Isn't letting that person who cut us line just go ahead making peace? Jesus sure wasn't a pushover. But He always had the right thing to say! Oh how I wish I had the wisdom to know what to say so that my words would be pleasing to Him!

Bottom line is that I want my life to be pleasing to Christ and I am having a terrible time reconciling this issue. I know there is a place between doormat and pushy jerk. I just need to find it.