Humiliating Moments in Parenthood Part One

• The latest entry: Recently Paige has begun proclaiming random strangers "Bad Guys" when we are shopping. Today in HEB she loudly said "Bad Guy! That's a bad guy Mom!" and franctically pointed to a woman who happened to be black.
  
• Possibly worse (?): Hailey had a front row seat when Paige (baby #3) was born at home three years ago. The experience must have made quite an impression on her because Paige's birth became her version of an ice breaker. If a stranger admired our new baby Hailey would pipe up and start talking about how she saw her little sister being born. The most horrifying incident involving Hailey's version of Paige's birth story occurred when we were in a long line at HEB (apparently the grocery store is the mother's stage for humiliation). A man in his 60's complimented a very smiley baby Paige and Hailey said (loudly of course) "That's Paige. She came out of Mommy's private. She was all bloody and was crying. And Mommy was saying "Ohhhhhh owwwwwww OWWWWWW!" The man was like "Oh. Well."
  
• Worst (?): on an airplane I was nursing nine month old Reese. The Irish version of Hugh Grant who had chatted me up for the two hours while our plane had been delayed was coming down the aisle. I was sitting on the aisle seat. He smiled at me and I returned the smile and lifted my hand to wave. At the exact moment Reese flung back the blanket that was covering her and my exposed breast. There is absolutely NO WAY that Irish Hugh Grant did not see my working breast. On the way back from the toilet he stopped to talk to me and I was so horrified I could barely make eye contact with him. Talk about a grounding experience :)
  
• Absolute worst (?): When Hailey (age 4) and Reese (age 2) escaped from our house in the predawn hours of a weekday morning and were returned by the Leander police. Jason had to retrieve them from the back of the police car (ew). I had to convince the police that I was not an abused wife or drug addict (the girls had said I needed "help" and I was groggy b/c I had taken Nyquil for the first and last time in my life the night before b/c I had a really bad cold).