My mom went home to Virginia today. She got to stay a week and a half longer than we had originally planned. That was both good and bad. The good part was that she ended up feeling better because she was put on continuous oxygen after spending two days in the ICU (the bad part). Her cancer has metastisized (the really bad part).
Let me just say that watching someone you love suffer and being able to do nothing about it is awful. It's not the same as when someone has an injury or the flu. That's when your role is to support, help and be encouraging. "You're going to feel better soon!" is appropriate.
When someone has terminal cancer, you can't really say that. Well, you can but you might as add on "...because your going to be dead." There's not really a lot that is comforting that you can say. The pain isn't going to get to better, it's going to get worse. Right at this miserable moment, the person is going to feel the best they will ever feel again in their life. No hope for relief of the agonizing pain...until death.
Which then leads you to sort of wish they would hurry up and die so they wouldn't be in so much pain.
Which leads you to feel like a jerk for even thinking that.
Which is just about the most confusing and awful place to be (at least on your side...the person with cancer has the really awful part).
Anyways, it just stinks to watch someone slowly die.
My dad died in an accident and it was completely unexpected. He lived for ten days after the accident but everyone (over age 12) knew he wasn't going to make it. No chance to say goodbye because of his condition (burns). No chance to say the things he'd been holding back or make the changes he'd hoped to get around to making.
We've been happy to have the chance to say goodbye to my mom. On one side it's heartwrenching for obvious reasons. On the other side, we've been able to make memories and had lots of time to process what is coming. I've been grateful to have this time with her. I consider it a gift from The Lord.
Still not sure which is worse though, the way my dad died or the way my mom is dying. Not sure I'll ever be able to have an opinon on that.
Mom and I agree on this: the only comfort is provided by God. We will all be reunited in heaven. There really isn't much else good to say. She's 54 years old. Soon my siblings and I will be without both of our parents. My little brother is 23 years old and our dad died when he was just six weeks old. I feel especially bad for him. It just plain stinks.
Hate to be depressing but there's not much more to say.
4 comments:
I am glad you shared this. It helps me to understand better. I've wondered how you are feeling. Explaining the loss of your Dad, and being without both of your parents puts into perspective. It just plain sucks! Life is so gut-wrenching. The only thing we can take comfort in is the sovereignty of God. He will be glorified through this. he already is. I'm praying that God can show me how to pray for your Mom during these last days, and how I can pray for you.
I'm so thankful the Lord has put us in one another's lives. Around the corner! :)
wow. my heart goes out to you and yours. may the Lord shower His kindness on you.
Amanda, Thank you. And I'm so glad to have you as a friend AND neighbor :)
Thank you Brooke. I can't even begin to explain the gentleness of The Lord with this situation.
Came here from Amanda's blog.. just wanted you to know I was praying for your mom and your family. May God's strength carry you and peace surround you like a canopy of His tender grace.
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